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The #1 Name in Home Security

October 13th, 2015

It’s no secret that witch attacks are becoming far too frequent in this day and age. Protect yourself, your farm, your family, and your loved ones with a brand-new state of the art security system!

The Model 33-160 “Strawman” Security Robot is the very latest innovation in home security. Unlike traditional methods of security – barbed wire, electric fences, landmines, etc. – the Strawman operates in a completely non-violent manner.

Instead of physically obstructing or injuring intruders, it uses its propriety psychic interference module to obstruct them mentally, causing intruders to believe that they are being faced down by an adversary with similar, but slightly superior skills.


While most rational intruders will flee when faced by an opponent that outclasses them, some may need a little extra persuasion. For cases like this, the Strawman is capable of increasing its illusory output to provide the extra impetus needed to deter your intruder. Choose from any number of pre-programmed illusions, or create your own with the Strawman’s easy-to-use Fear Generator.*

The Strawman has not been cleared for use on board spacecraft. The Strawman does not sing or dance. If you believe the Strawman is singing or dancing, discontinue use immediately. L.F.B. Security Inc. is not responsible for damage caused by witches with no sense of self-preservation.

*Requires brain. Excessive use may cause side effects including paranoia and/or hallucinations.


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